we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
