Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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