And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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