1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
