Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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