I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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