I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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