Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i dont even know how to be here
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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