So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
