She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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