I just made out with a guy for $7.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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