Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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