Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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