She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
