thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
