remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
