I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
