Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
