On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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