It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
