He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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