There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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