Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
