I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
