I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
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You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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