I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
