worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
