she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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