Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
