i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
