I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
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Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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