it was like his penis was on wheels.
time to smoke my breakfast
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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