He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
