I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
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That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize