I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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