apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
