Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
