watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
