fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
