Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
