my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
