would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
