I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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