Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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