totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
