My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
