I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
