Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
