I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
