we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
