did you get engaged???
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
