my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize