i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
