why didn't you poke me back
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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