So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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