I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
