nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
