Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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