just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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