Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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