you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
