There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
