His pubic hair was longer than his dick
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
