Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize
