I hate your face
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His hands were made for my vagina.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I need a beard to bite.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
