I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
