i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
