I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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