Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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