it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize