Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
