At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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