No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
