I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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